I Want You to Stay
by Splinker
Summary: Shaun tries to hold on as his entire world crumbles around him.
1. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over

Shaun's hands grip Zach's ass as Zach thrusts into him, fast and hard, with an edge of desperation. Shaun notices it creeping into their fucks lately and he wishes he could stop it from happening, wishes things could go back to the way they were, before. But he knows they can't. Too much has happened; too little _hasn't_ happened.

Zach's lips are pressed into a hard line above him, concentrating, and Shaun wants to lift up to kiss them, but the combined forces of Zach's cock in his ass and his own cock sliding against Zach's abdomen are making it hard for him to do anything besides lie underneath Zach and just take it. Take every single fucking thing Zach gives him, because he knows this might not last much longer. _They_ might not last much longer.

Zach is close, Shaun knows, can feel the urgency in Zach's movements. He uses his hands on Zach's ass to pull Zach's body completely against him, increasing the friction against Shaun's cock that's trapped between them. Zach kisses him, then, as he pulls back, a firm press at first, then takes Shaun's bottom lip between his own as he slides back in, softer this time, slower. Shaun opens his mouth to Zach's, lets Zach's tongue slide in and against his own, tentatively at first, then with purpose, sucking Shaun's tongue into his mouth. Zach pushes slowly into Shaun two more times, bringing his hand between them to wrap around Shaun's hard cock.

Shaun's hard and he wants to come, but suddenly Zach's eyelashes brush his cheek, a soft fluttering, and he's overcome with the sensation. Shaun's senses are so full of Zach that's it overwhelming. Zach's tongue in his mouth and Zach's scent in his nose and Zach's cock in his ass and that piece of Zach's heart that stays always with him, and suddenly he's desperate, too. To make this last, to prolong his climax for as long as possible because Shaun knows, as sure as he knows that Zach is slowly slipping through his fingers, that he can't live without Zach. He _won't_.

Shaun's ass is sore, a sting at the rim from the prolonged stretch (this is the second time they've fucked tonight), and he knows that the slight scruff of his beard is rubbing Zach's face raw, but he doesn't care. All he wants is to stay here forever, on the edge, Zach inside him in every way possible, together and loved and right and happy (maybe not _happy_). He holds his orgasm off for as long as he can, but then Zach curls his strong hands around Shaun's thighs and brings them up around his waist, rocking deliberately into Shaun, hitting his prostate every time. Shaun's hands on Zach's ass clench and Zach huffs out an 'ow' against Shaun's mouth, but then Shaun's coming and the 'ow' turns into an _oh_ as his ass tightens around Zach's cock, his own cock spurting between them, coating each of their stomachs.

Zach slows his movements but doesn't stop thrusting, fucking Shaun through the aftershocks, riding into his own orgasm. After a few more thrusts, Zach's breath hitches and Shaun knows he's coming, breaks away from Zach's mouth to pull back and watch, because the sight of Zach coming is so hot, so beautiful, so _his_, that he can't not watch. Zach's face is flushed and glorious as he stills inside Shaun, moaning deep and low in his throat. His hands grip the sheets on either side of them and he angles his head to rest in the crook of Shaun's neck, but Shaun grabs his head instead, focusing his gaze on Zach's face. He cups Zach's flushed cheeks in his hands and watches as it happens. Zach groans, face contorting as if in pain, and then his eyes fly open suddenly, dark and wide, mouth opening in a perfect 'o'. Zach huffs out breath after breath, eyes closing on the tail end of the third exhale, and then clench tightly.

His hips jerk roughly against Shaun's, forcing his cock deeper into Shaun, hitting his prostate. Shaun's eyes drift closed and he gives a moan that sounds more like a whimper, his ass sore and overly stimulated, but he takes it and rides Zach's orgasm, his hands still cupping Zach's face. Shaun opens his eyes and Zach is looking down at him, his face flushed, so open and vulnerable and filled with fiery apology. Shaun wants to say something, _anything_, to make this right, but he's not sure he can, doesn't know what to say, so he kisses him instead, brushes his lips softly against Zach's. Zach presses into the kiss, holding still against Shaun for a prolonged moment, and then he tilts his head and runs his tongue along Shaun's bottom lip, taking it between his.

Zach's eyelashes brush Shaun's cheek as Shaun opens his mouth to Zach's. His hands move to Zach's hair, gripping the short strands between his fingers. Zach kisses Shaun like it's the last time, his tongue plundering and pilfering one moment, then soft and tender the next.

Just as Shaun feels a single tear slide down his cheek, Zach breaks away suddenly from Shaun's mouth and Shaun's hands fall away, down to the mattress. Zach's eyes are cast down between them as he pulls out and Shaun notices the slick trail the tear left in its wake, the dim light from the window hitting it, making it visible.

He reaches up to touch the wetness on Zach's face to brush it away, but thinks better of it. Zach says nothing as he pulls out of Shaun.


	2. For It's Been So Long

Zach's face burned hot with his words. "It doesn't change the way I feel about you, Shaun. I still fucking love you. I love you and I want you." Shaun's eyes snapped up to Zach's from where they'd been pinned to the window. Lately, he'd been the one making the effort, trying to fix whatever was wrong between them. Zach had just been stewing in the fucked up wasteland that was his brain, leaving Shaun to try to repair what he was beginning to think Zach didn't want fixed. But that, what Zach just said, Shaun needed to hear that. His eyes were glued to Zach's as he continued.

Zach couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice, and it wavered with the last of his words. "I just want to be us again." His eyes were huge and blue, so sincere that Shaun wanted to give in, accept it and make up, kiss that hurt look right off Zach's face.

But he didn't. He stayed right where he was, arms crossed, lips pressed into a hard line, trying his best not to show how much he wanted this to be over. The tension radiating from Shaun's body was mocking Zach, a big neon sign that screamed at him, _look what you did, this is all your fault_. Zach closed his eyes, needing for a moment to block out the sight of Shaun so closed off, something he'd never before been with Zach. Shaun had always been completely open with him, and seeing that, right in front of him, unequivocal proof that he'd caused it, it was a little hard to handle.

Just breathe, he told himself, wondering how in the fuck he so easily messed up something he'd thought was so perfect. Maybe that was the problem in the first place. He'd viewed what he had with Shaun as being untouchable, something he wouldn't have to work at. How wrong he was. Realizing he'd been lost in his own head for far too long, Zach opened his eyes again and sighed heavily. Shaun was there, right in front of him and yet so far away, the bed separating them standing in as some kind of symbol, a bridge he'd have to cross. Fuck that, Zach thought, making a split-second decision. If there was one thing in his life worth working for, worth fighting for, it was his life with Shaun. He navigated around the bed quickly, shoving himself right up against Shaun's crossed arms with no regard as to Shaun's personal space, bringing his hands to the sides of Shaun's face. He stared intently into Shaun's eyes, a desperate attempt at getting Shaun to see the truth reflected in his own. He spoke again, the same raw hurt evident in his voice. "I love you. And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Zach used his grip on Shaun to pull Shaun's head to his. At first it was a soft press against Shaun's mouth. His lips were open slightly and Zach's were closed, his bottom lip pressed between Shaun's two open ones. Still not reacting, Shaun's arms remained crossed, determined not to relent, but he wasn't pulling away, a factor which Zach took to his full advantage. Zach grounded himself in the kiss, just stayed there, unmoving, feeling the soft, sweet sensation of their mouths together.

It might not have been a real kiss like they used to share, but it was better than what they'd been having lately. The past couple weeks they'd taken a whole new turn, every kiss edged with anger and hurt and desperation, neither knowing how to fix what they so easily broke. It wasn't just their kisses, either. It'd even made its way into their bed, sneaking itself between them during sex, making every fuck feel as though it'd be their last.

This kiss, despite just being a soft press of his lips against Shaun's, gave Zach hope. Shaun still wanted him, which meant he could fix this. He had to fix this because he couldn't lose Shaun. He wouldn't.

Eventually Zach took it further, opened his mouth enough to slide his bottom lip further between Shaun's so that Shaun's lips surrounded his completely. He ran his tongue lightly across Shaun's mouth, trailed it along the fullness of Shaun's bottom lip, taking his time, happy to just be doing this. Shaun didn't open up, somehow keeping himself locked in his tense position. This wasn't over, Zach knew. Shaun still had things he needed to say, needed to hear. He didn't intend on letting this be fixed with sex, Zach knew that. But Zach was persistent. Realizing that Shaun wasn't budging, he kissed and licked his way to Shaun's neck, little nips here, a swipe of tongue there. He used his hands on Shaun's face to tilt his head at the proffered angle, winding his arms around Shaun's neck to cup the back of his head, holding it firmly in place. He laved Shaun's pulse point over and over, his hot breath sending shivers down the exposed skin, tension draining from Shaun's body with every hot pass of Zach's tongue over the soft skin of his neck. Zach's fingers rested softly at the base of Shaun's hairline, his thumb curling around to stroke the underside of Shaun's jaw. Zach brought his other hand down to curl around Shaun's ass through his jeans, squeezing once. Shaun moaned low in his throat, the feel of Zach's strong, talented hands on his ass sending an electric current through his entire body, igniting a fiery storm of lust and passion. And that was it; his resolve was gone.

Uncrossing his arms, he grabbed Zach's head with both hands and moved it up to his, opening his eyes slightly to get a good look at Zach's face before he kissed him. His cheeks were in that stage of slight flush, evidence of early arousal widening his pupils. Shaun closed his eyes then and leaned his head in the remaining inches to bring their lips together for a real kiss. Zach's lips opened up instantly under Shaun's, his tongue darting right into Shaun's mouth, taking over the kiss. His tongue ran along every inch of Shaun's mouth before sucking Shaun's tongue into his mouth, kissing him with an slowly burning passion, increasing in its intensity with every stuttered, labored breath Zach took. This wasn't like their kisses lately. It was filled with longing and sweetness, Zach's tongue massaging Shaun's, his mouth so completely engrossed in Shaun's. Shaun sighed into Zach's mouth, a feeling of warmth washing over him at the feel of being close to him in this old, familiar way again. It'd been far too long since Zach had kissed him this way.

Zach used his firm hold on Shaun to close any remaining distance between them, bringing their bodies together completely, and the heat emanating from Zach was fierce, his entire body on fire with want and desire. Zach's tongue roved Shaun's mouth as his hand on Shaun's neck held him in place. The kiss was turning fast and frantic, Zach never relenting, and Shaun's lips were beginning to hurt with the pressure, but he didn't break away. He opened his mouth wider and gave himself completely over to Zach, losing any semblance of control he had left and grinding his hips into Zach's. Zach used his hand on Shaun's ass to press Shaun firmly into him, bringing their cocks together in perfect friction as Shaun maneuvered his hips against Zach's.

Zach growled into Shaun's mouth, all fiery lust, and began walking Shaun back toward the bed, his mouth never leaving Shaun's. The back of Shaun's kneecaps hit the bed and Zach broke away from the kiss to push Shaun down onto it, fast, and Shaun bounced once before Zach was atop him, his knees on either side of Shaun's as he rested his entire body down against Shaun. He was heavy against him, and Shaun felt like his lungs were being crushed a little. He'd felt like that ever since this whole thing started, but it was different this time. This time, his breathlessness was a result of having everything he wanted so close. He could feel it within reach, Zach coming back to him, their former connection returning with every pass of Zach's tongue against his own, with every sigh and moan he breathed into Zach's mouth. Zach was so hot and fiery and passionate on top of Shaun, covering him from head to foot like a blanket.

They stayed that way, Zach grinding down against Shaun, Zach's tongue ravaging Shaun's mouth, for five long minutes before it changed. Zach's tongue became softer, the kiss turning sweet and sentimental, before Zach pulled up, lifting his torso away from Shaun and placing his palms on either side of Shaun's head to look down at him. His eyes were closed at first, but when they opened, Shaun was caught off guard by what he saw there. The lust was still there, but it wasn't fiery anymore. It was quieter, aided by fear and tenderness, Zach looking down at him so sincerely, his face so full of regret and apology and love.

"Shaun, I'm so sorry. This..." he bowed his head, then, looking down between them, at the sheets, at anything but Shaun.

Shaun's heartstrings gave a tug, knowing how hard it still was for Zach to be so open about his feelings. He cupped Zach's cheeks in his hands, feeling the softness of Zach's skin under his palms, as Zach tilted his head back up to meet his eyes. His thumbs stroked the sides of Zach's face as Zach looked down at him, a mix of embarrassment and shame crossing his face. Shaun reached his head up to press his lips against Zach's. Zach's mouth opened slightly, his bottom lip between Shaun's. It was soft and comforting, and as much as he wanted to continue it, to take it deeper, he knew that he couldn't. He needed to hear this, and Zach needed to say it, so after a moment he broke away from the warmth of Shaun's mouth and rested his head back against the bed, looking up at Zach expectantly, his hands still framing Zach's face.

Zach nodded his head, knowing that he could do this, that he had to.

"This," he started, his eyes holding that same intensity as before, this time channeled with sincerity and hope, "you and me and Cody, I want this." He paused. "Always. I always want it. And you, I always want you."

The corners of Shaun's lips tugged up and his heart was heavy with Zach's words, letting them sink in, but Zach wasn't done. He continued, his cheeks warming slightly in Shaun's hands.

"I want you like this, in bed, soft and hot and naked." He leaned down to press a firm kiss against Shaun's lips before continuing, slower this time. "And I want you late at night, when you're holding me, and the feel of your hand in mine, the smell of your skin, the softness of your lips against the back of my neck, is all I can sense."

His arms bent at the elbows, his body coming down to lay against Shaun, every inch of them touching, as he said, "I love you. Always."

Shaun closed his eyes against the words, his emotions suddenly overloaded with everything that Zach had just told him. They'd come so far since the beginning. Zach wasn't good with words, Shaun knew that, but he was good at this, at _them_, and he knew that, too. He opened his eyes to find Zach staring down at him, his face full of raw emotion, love and uncertainty and even a little fear.

He brought his arms up to wrap around Zach's neck, bringing Zach's head down for a kiss, but before he met Zach's lips, he whispered against them, "I love you, too." And then he was running his tongue along Zach's bottom lip, biting the fullness there slightly before Zach opened up. His tongue was hesitant and still against Shaun's before sliding against his, increasing the heat between them suddenly. They kissed, and it was nothing like the kisses they'd had lately. There was no fierce desperation, no underlying fear that this might be the last time. It was soft and deep and sweet, his tongue roving and mapping the openness of Zach's warm mouth.

For a while that's all they did, just kiss, soaking in the feeling of this, so right, the way it used to be, the way it was again, now. Zach pulled back after some time to look down at Shaun, his blue eyes hazy with want, and said, "I want you, Shaun. Now."

After that there was less kissing and more removing of clothes, but once they were both naked their mouths met again, Shaun kissing Zach as he prepared him, his slick fingers opening Zach up. Zach moaned into Shaun's mouth and Shaun swallowed it, thrust his tongue against it, in rhythm with the thrust of his fingers in Zach's ass.

Zach was open enough now that Shaun's fingers were brushing against Zach's prostate with every press in, and Zach was needy with it, a constant litany of moans escaping his mouth with every tap against the sensitive nerve.

Shaun pulled his fingers out slowly as Zach placed the condom on Shaun's dick, fisting his hand along the shaft, eliciting a moan from Shaun. Shaun leaned down to kiss him, running his hand along the strong line of Zach's chest, down to his firm, tan stomach. His hand made to go lower, but then Zach was on his stomach, his head pillowed on his folded arms as he waited for Shaun to fuck him. Zach turned his head to the side and back to look at Shaun, his eyes hazy with want, and lifted his ass up in a slight wiggle, smiling and beckoning Shaun to him. Shaun was all too happy to comply.

He pressed into Zach slowly, his cock sliding in easily thanks to the lube and prep, moving one inch at a time, letting Zach adjust. When he was all the way in, he lay down against Zach, curling his chest against the arch of Zach's back, and, kissing the side of neck, whispered to him, "love you so much." He kissed again the side of Zach's neck he could reach, leaving a wet mark where his mouth was. He moved slowly, setting a slow, deep rhythm. Zach was moaning on every slow push in and even slower pull out, the sound so pornographic and feral that it made Shaun want to go even slower, to drag this out for as long as he could. His mouth was open against Zach's neck as he thrust, so slow and deep, and his tongue peeked out of every few moments to lave Zach's neck again, letting it drag along Zach's warm, smooth skin with the motion of his thrusts.

Zach wasn't having that, though, because suddenly his arm came out from underneath his head and curled itself around Shaun's ass, pressing, and Shaun's cock slid all the way into Zach. The tip hit Zach's prostate and he moaned low and husky, pressing his ass back against Shaun's hips as his hole clenched around Shaun's cock. Shaun groaned against Zach's neck, the heat of his breath sending a chill through Zach's body.

Shaun's hands moved underneath Zach, down to his lower belly, before splaying there and lifting, pulling Zach up and against him so that they were both on their knees, Zach's back pressed firmly to Shaun's chest, a warm and firm weight against him. The angle was different now, and Shaun bent his knees slightly to thrust into Zach's ass properly, faster than before. Zach turned his head to Shaun's for a kiss, and his tongue roamed Zach's mouth as he thrust into him, deep and slow. One thrust in particular hit Zach's prostate and Zach broke away from Shaun's mouth slightly, mouth opening wide in reaction as he closed his eyes against the pleasure, bringing his hands up to close around Shaun's hands on his chest.

Shaun held Zach to him as he thrust, increasing his speed when Zach clenched around Shaun again after he hit his prostate. He thrust into Zach's ass quickly now, one push after another in quick succession. Shaun was beginning to feel his climax in the distance, could feel the heat emanating from his balls, threatening to erupt with every thrust. He thrust into Zach harder now, holding him tightly to him with one hand while the other wrapped around Zach's cock. He didn't bother to use any kind of rhythm. He let their movements guide his hand, Zach's hips surging forward with every thrust of Shaun's hips into his ass, causing his cock to slide perfectly into Shaun's hand.

The heat in Shaun's balls was moving outward, up to his cock and his abdomen, and he was fire, hot and raging and fiery. He was thrusting so hard into Zach now that every thrust was hitting Zach's prostate and Zach was moaning erratically, overcome with the sensation of Shaun's cock in his ass and Shaun's hand on his cock. Shaun's hand on Zach's chest moved across to his neck, turning Zach's head to his for a kiss, letting his tongue slide against Zach's slowly, lazily, and that's all it took for Zach to come. His ass clenched tight around Shaun's cock as he moaned once, loudly, and his hips thrust forward sharply with his release, coming all over Shaun's hand. Shaun didn't let up, his hand still on Zach's cock, working him down, stroking him through the aftershocks. He never slowed his pace, riding Zach's orgasm right into his own. Shaun gave a loud moan into the side of Zach's neck as he came, his hips jerking sharply against Zach's ass with the force of it.

Zach turned his head for a kiss, meeting Shaun's lips once before Shaun pulled out, one hand holding the condom and the other holding Zach's hips. He threw the condom in the trash and turned back to see Zach already curled up in the bed, looking sated and happy. The sight made him smile, and he could feel it through his whole body, every limb alight with glee. It wasn't just the sex, although that'd been more than great. It was everything. Everything Zach had said, the way he told him with his body first and then his with his words.

They were back; they were them again, _Zach and Shaun_.

Shaun lay down behind Zach, gathering him in his arms and spooning himself behind Zach. Zach linked their fingers together as Shaun pressed a soft, tender kiss against the back of Zach's neck, letting his lips linger for a moment before pulling away to whisper goodnight into Zach's ear.

When he woke in the morning Zach was pressed against him, his left arm resting under Zach's head where it'd fallen off the pillow. He could hear Cody watching Saturday morning cartoons in the living room. He smiled to himself, pressing his head into Zach's neck where it was turned the opposite way. He closed his eyes and just took in the feeling of it all.

This was his life. It wasn't perfect and it wasn't easy, but he had Zach and he had Cody, and that was better than anything he could have ever hoped for.


End file.
